So the CEO had chat with me after work. Mistakes were highlighted and said it was obvious I was having some kind of mental issue. They will use me until 5th August and then was asked to take no pay leave for ten days to sort out whatever issues I had.
They have also noticed I am blind in one eye.
Just kept my mouth shut and listened.
So the eye is not a cataract but diabetic retinopathy. Appointment at Moorefields Eye Hospital on 4th September finally.
Shall also try my best to get a referral from my GP to get my Bi Polar looked into during the August time off.
Unfortunately surviving without a proper salary, paying rent and living by my own has become difficult.
Being blind in one eye and however I try, it is becoming hard to function at work. Mind is not steady and I am getting simple things like hearing a name properly.
I don’t drink or smoke marijuana anymore as I know it alters my perspectives to life.
More than money to live it has become hard for me to function by myself. This is reality.
I am a sick broken old man. I have tried my best and honestly don’t know how to continue.
Ending it all is not an option. However I kid myself I know I can’t end my life. But also reality is I am a very ill person who is looking at a life of mania and homelessness.
I can’t live in the past and keep looking for ways to move forward. Have some sort of plan. This is difficult at my age and my illnesses.
Really can’t see any respite or solutions. For once I am actually not creating a drama and which I know all of you are thinking now. Just looking for support and courage to move forward.
Any suggestions are welcome. It is what it is.
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